after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
