Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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