D3 body, D1 cock
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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