You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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