call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
why does every cop we meet know your name?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
