the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
