I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
