He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
