70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Randomize
