i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
