Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
