he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
