Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
