I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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