My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
