Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
