Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
