Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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