You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
