absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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