I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
