It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
