Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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