I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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