Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
