Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my being single is dangerous.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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