my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
