dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I look better un-naked...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
