it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
