had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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