I smell stomach acid.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
