Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
