There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
