I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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