it hurts more in the daytime
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
