Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
