I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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