They should really pass out barf bags in church
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
