I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
