My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
