Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
