This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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