i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
