It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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