Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
