I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
