They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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