I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
