Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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