it hurts more in the daytime
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
