1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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