So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
