Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
