Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
