So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
